After a long break I am back!
Conversation with the Dead! Sounds Spooky? Not to me.
"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard but always near". A Quote engraved on many a headstones in the graveyards.
Soliloquy is my companion and we vibe well since my childhood as I suffered from Nyctophobia, which I have overcome gradually.
Having lost both a young sibling and dad in the same year of 1995, I grieved for them for long. I spoke to them constantly as though they were alive, in wispers ofcourse. I simply knew they were around in the quiet solitude which I enjoy or in the soft breeze caressing my whole being, assuring me of their presence. Spooky? Don't be.
I am hard of hearing and it's usual that my decibel level rises automatically, at times whisper becomes a thunder without hearing aids but my betterhalf's antennas are as sharp like the blade of a royal sword, indeed hereditary in both cases. Suspicious of my mumblings he pried as he was concerned for my well-being but I was a secret agent, no evidence and nothing to connect. He gave up, I didn't.
In the course of next three decades, we lost several of our family members and friends; I accepted the fact and moved on in life for I never felt that close to anyone who deserved a personal bond.
My father-in-law who was in his early nineties passed away four years ago. He was such a loveable and friendly old man, everyone was drawn towards him for his simplicity and fun loving nature. When he went to the Creator, a huge portrait was made plus seven medium sized ones, distributed one each to his children as a keepsake. Huge one decorates the wall of family's ancestral home along with all his predecessors. I was extremely fond of him like my father, so I made sure to find a suitable place for him to grace our wall. His eyes and smile from the portrait were so contagious and covidacious for the past two years; my companion urged me to start a dialogue with him. Our affection grew.
Soon dementia claimed our favourite jovial and always a good Samaritan brother-in-law. My first eulogy, another memory, another potrait which sits in our showcase. My spinster aunt, who had medical issues of her heart, who never hesitated even with her limitations to help her siblings in looking after their offspring, including myself, followed suit, she lived upto 70. My initial list of two started adding up.
Last year, during lockdown, first wave of Covid, my otherwise active Mom, succumbed to Rheumatoid Arthritis and pneumonia. Her anticipated loss after her four painful visits and stay in the hospitals was unbearable. She was our strength, guide and support with positive outlook. Second eulogy and I was becoming an elulogy expert. This year, second wave, second lockdown and we bowed down humbly to the Will of Almighty to allow my mother-in-law to go to her heavenly abode peacefully, holding our hands. She was a quiet and at times solitary soul. Here was my third eulogy and my talks continue morning, noon and night. And also in between my regular timetable because of lockdown.
Just a few weeks back, I lost another of my aunt. I could not refuse her daughter for a translation of an eulogy. Well, enough is enough. I am petrified and panic grips me that I will be a victim of OCD, kissing potraits and wispering to each one of them in turn. I started a group chat as the list became too long now and I don't want my list to grow anymore. Period.
For all those who have been left behind to grieve your loved ones during this pandemic especially, believe me they are around you.
In William Wordsworth words:
That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.
Life goes on guys with or without our loved ones. Communication is the key to open the door.
