Love & Ego

'Sometimes love is for a moment,
Sometimes love is for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.

'Once upon a time there was an island,
where all the feelings lived.
One day there was a storm in the sea
and the island was about to get drowned.

Every feeling was scared
but Love made a boat to escape.
Every feeling boarded the boat..
Only one feeling was left.

Love got down to see who it was...
It was EGO.

Love tried and tried but
ego wasn't moving also.
The water was rising..
Every one asked love to leave him
and come in the boat,

But love was made to love.
At last all the feelings escape and
Love dies with ego on the island..
Love Dies because of EGO!

So, Kill Ego And Save Love.....

A Message to all:
'Argument wins the situations
but loses the person.
So when you argue with your loved ones,
remember that situations are
never more important than your loved ones.....'.

Courtesy: My Uncle's one of forwards on email!

Our Son's Graduation

Yesterday, 28 May 2009 was one of the happiest days and proudest moments for us, parents of our son Canute, when he received his final Certificate from the Chief Guest Very Rev. Mgr. Francis Jamieson, Vicar General of Arabia which event was held at the Sacred Heart School Auditorium, Isa Town, Kingdom of Bahrain on completion of his 'O' Level studies.

As his School Principal Sr. Benedicta Pinto in her speech rightly said, this is just the beginning and all the students have a long way to go to achieve their goals.

With God's blessings and Canute's best efforts, he received commendation for all subjects, except Religion or Hindi, I am not sure, for the applause and cheer when he received his Certificate was deafening. He was one of the few top students (secured 'A's all thru) among his 74 batchmates. We are really very happy. His final 'O' Level results from UK will be out only beginning of August 2009.

Thank you Lord for all your blessings and also a big 'thank you' for all our loved ones and friends for their good wishes and blessings.

With Love..from Cindy

My Dearest Darling Mommy,

By the time you read this, I am out of this house and your lives! Today I am taking this extreme step of running away from home. I know you will miss me, especially Dad and Dave more than you, but I cannot help it. I don’t want to suffer any more. I know that you love me but again, I feel Dad loves me more than you and Dave loves me more than Dad!

I am ever so grateful to you, Dad and Dave for having adopted an orphan like me, giving me a home and taken care of me during all these twelve years. Just because I could not express my emotions, it doesn’t mean that I have no feelings like you but I know that it is quite difficult for you to believe it. In all these years I was with you, you always thought I wanted everything to go my own way. You are wrong Mom. Oh.. if only you had known.. Anyway it is too late now and it doesn’t matter any more to me.

I never saw my mother who abandoned me, DD, KD and RD, when we were just four month old babies. It was Dad who brought me home to you and Dave. Though I was petrified initially, but then, when you all fussed over me, it reassured me. Marissa, the Philippino Aunty took DD to her house. KD and RD were taken by Dad’s Bahraini friend Uncle Ali. I later learnt that KD ran off from Ali Uncle’s house and RD died. I saw DD once again when Marissa Aunty was away on vacation and she brought him to us as she wanted you to look after him for a few days. I was so happy to see him but he went away again, not to be seen since then.

You, Dad and Dave went on vacation for one month and you left me with Dad’s friend Som..chai Uncle from Thailand. Though he was nice, I did not like him at all. I was scared of him. You don’t know, he came home so late sometimes, I know he was busy but I was so hungry and angry too. That’s why I threw all your books down from the shelves and tore off the sofa. When you paid eighty dinars to refurbish the sofa, I felt that you guys deserved it! You are lucky I could not break Dad’s fish tank, which I tried but failed. It was fun watching you look for many things which were missing from the bedroom.. remember your wrist watch which you found under the refrigerator!! serves you right!

How I loved those outings when Dad took us all out in the evenings. I really loved jumping from your lap to Dave’s and Dad’s. Passersby admired my beauty, he he he.. were you jealous? Little bit..?! At least now .. out with the truth Mom..

Remember Koko, whom Dad brought home when he found him homeless and roaming. It was love at first sight Mom, but what will you know about love. You only love Dad and Dave. I purposely pushed myself in between you and Dad whenever you were sitting together, did you know that? Ever tried to understand me, my feelings and that I was growing up and I needed a friend too? No, never. He was such a smart, dashing and handsome fellow. Now don’t act as though you did not know it. That’s why you sent him away ain’t it.. when you saw the first signs of trouble? And how I hated you for it all these years, you really don’t know. My love for Koko…You nipped it in the bud itself. You are so selfish Mom!

You know something? It gave me such a pleasure to soil your bed sheets and quilts when I was mad at you. And you washed them again and again.. again and again.. hiya.. Your Cindy is a cool girl Mom.. you don’t know her. But then, I have always been a ‘Daddy’s girl’. I loved it when Dad bathed me, with the perfumed soap and powder. I was scared only of three things.. your hair dryer, pressure cooker and the hoover because of the noise. The noise was worse than a thunder.. ooooooooooooh! Sometimes though, I did not like the food you guys wanted me to gobble up, so I went on hunger strike, until you gave me what I wanted!!

And the last straw Mom.. was when you brought two month old Sassy home from Aunt Sabina, just because aunty said that she could not look after her. Oh, you are so dumb sometimes or you act like one. Don’t you understand? She did not.. mom.. did not want to look after Sassy. You knew it.. isn’t it? Our house is a like a guest house. I hated Sassy and I really hit her hard many times whenever you were not around. How dare she? She wanted to sleep on my bed and play with my toys. I could not stand it.

Since I could not tell you in so many words that I was feeling unloved, unwanted and felt pushed out, I had to show you my jealousy. That was the only way out for me. You are smart enough and I am sure you might have noticed it from the change in my normal behaviour. If you don’t then let me tell you now, that’s the reason I was hiding and not eating and you thought I was unwell. Ha..ha.. Actually, I feel a bit guilty because Sassy fell ill and died within six months of her coming to live with us. When she was feverish and coughing and no medicine worked, I was wondering whether she fell ill because I terrorized her. If you think that’s the reason, please forgive me. Believe me mom, to see you crying when she died made me cry too.

Now I feel so relieved for I have got it all off my chest.. all my pent up anger, frustration and my feelings. I have been planning to elope for many days now since I have seen Dave keeping the front door open often. He forgets to close it and I am going to sneak out one of these days, stealthily without his notice. Please, pleeeeeeeeese don’t shout at him, I love him so much. I am old enough to face this bad bad world, so please do not worry about me. Do not try to look for me because I myself do not know where I will be going.

But.. I love you and will miss you always Mom. Please don't cry ok.

With lots of love, hugs and kisses to you, Dad and Dave.

Good bye Mom!

Yours ever loving
Cindy

P.S.

1. This is the first time I am writing a letter to you, that too a lengthy one, so if there are any mistakes, don’t look at them!

2. Another thing, when I find a better place to settle down with a smarty like Koko, then some day I will definitely write to you all about me and send you my picture, with my family if I am lucky enough and of course Mom.. my current address so that you can keep in touch with me and update me on everything that goes on with you, Dad and Dave. Love ya! See ya Mom..Bye.. Cindy.

Attitudes & Choices

The day before yesterday our local daily ran a news item: Lai Jiansheng, a 66-year-old passerby greeted Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt from a failed construction project, who had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in Southern China, with a hand shake and pushed him off the ledge. Chen survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries. Lai ‘mentally ill’ as he was quoted, walking shoeless (!?) to the hospital for his pills, was fed up of Chen’s selfish activity in which traffic in the city had been backed up for five hours and the police had cordoned off the area. Sounds weird? No. To me, it’s like punishing others for one’s own choices.

Our life today is the result of our attitudes and choices in the past. Our life tomorrow will be the result of our attitudes and the choices we make today. A couple of days back a story was circulating on the email, which is worth pondering. An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you." What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized, we would have done it differently. It is the only life we will ever build. Even if we live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.

Every human being is selfish and I am no exception. My collection of books and sharing it with only a selected few speaks volumes. Like the foolish boy who had a bag full of beautiful marbles who was quite proud of them. In fact, he thought so much of the marbles that he would neither play with them himself nor would he let anyone else play with them. He only took them out of the bag in order to count and admire them; they were never used for their intended purpose. Yet that boy carried that coveted bag of marbles everywhere he went.

Well, there was also a wise boy who wished he could have such a fine bag of marbles. So this boy worked hard and earned money to purchase a nice bag to hold marbles. Even though he had not yet earned enough with which to purchase any marbles, he had faith and purchased the marble bag. He took special care of the bag and dreamed of the day it would contain marbles with which he could play and share with his friends.

Alas, the foolish boy with all of the marbles didn't take care of the marble bag itself, and one day the bag developed a hole in the bottom seam. Still, he paid no attention and, one by one, the marbles fell out of the bag. It didn't take long, once the foolish boy's marble bag developed a hole, for the wise boy to begin to find those beautiful marbles, one at a time, lying unnoticed on the ground. And, one by one, he added them to his marble bag. The wise boy thus gained a fine bag full of marbles in no time at all. This boy played with the marbles and shared them with all of his friends. And he always took special care of the bag so he wouldn't lose any. Selfish and careless, the foolish boy lost all of his marbles and was left holding the bag.

Aren’t we sometimes like the foolish boy? Our wardrobes full of clothes, shoe racks full of shoes for years which we do not wear but store or allow them to tear rather than share, food and household items which we do not consume but throw.. and so on.. BUT NOT SHARE! I am reminded of a quote by Oscar Wilde, a 19th Century Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic "There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up".

Long ago, one of my friends with whom I used to share and unburden my thoughts often, advised me not to be too analytical or criticize/judge too harshly about anyone including myself for, then living a normal life would be quite difficult. So, sharing my books with only a few wouldn’t amount to too much of selfishness I suppose…here I go again, it’s ‘my books’! I DEFINITELY NEED TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE and if at any time in the future, I choose to donate my books then I will most certainly post another article.. bragging about my great act of unselfishness of course!

Last but not the least, here is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody have done.

Confused? hope not……

Expectations

The door bell rang and Jenny hurried to open it. There stood her son Kevin with disappointment, worry, a little fear perhaps written large all over his tender young face. ‘Hi son’ she greeted as usual. ’Hi Mom’ came the dispirited response, as he came inside the house. ‘Mom…’, she stopped him in mid-sentence. ‘Son, first you have the juice, then let’s talk’, that was their routine. She knew he was upset, his board results were out that morning. She was sure that he had definitely done well, but was not quite sure what bothered him. They shared a very close rapport and she was the first one to know if anything went amiss. She waited until Kevin finished his juice. ‘Now tell me darling what’s wrong’. ‘Mom..’ his voice quavered. ‘I am sorry Mom I did not make it to the top ten’. She could see his eyes starting to fill. ‘I so much wanted to be a topper, I studied so hard mom..’ she could sense his frustration. ‘I only secured 89% overall.. I failed you and Dad mom.. I am really sorry mom..’ he went on and on. Gosh, she thought what have we done? Where have we gone wrong? Did we put inordinate pressure on him unknowingly? Hush..hush.. She hugged him, tried to soothe him and in a while she could feel the tension leaving him a little.

"Kevin, at least this time we want you to do your best in the finals.. If you want to become a Doctor... you'd better get good marks in science otherwise it will be quite difficult to get a seat in a good college..” Yes, many times both Jenny and Danny said something similar to Kevin when he failed to come up to their expectations, but she did not realize how seriously it affected their young son.

Kevin was a brilliant and sensitive boy unique with his own special abilities. He did things independently, took no tuitions unlike most his of classmates, but definitely playful at times. Danny and Jenny wanted Kevin to do well for his own sake; after all he is the one who will benefit from the success. Surely, it was not that their prestige and status was linked to Kevin’s success. Though they did have realistic expectations from Kevin she was sure they did not over-expect from him. They took it as their responsibility, indeed their duty to make Kevin feel comfortable about what he is, confident about what he can do and positive about what he has achieved.

“We are very proud of you son.. you have certainly done very well. Though we told you to do well in the finals, you know very well that we did not expect you to be a topper.” Jenny assured Kevin. ‘There is no need for you to feel so upset’. ‘What about Dad? What will he say?’ He was worried about his father’s reaction, for Danny could be harsh at times. “I’ll handle your Dad, don’t you worry son.. have your lunch and take a nap, everything is going to be fine. Ok.?’ And as she turned to go into the bedroom for that much needed talk with her husband before he arrived home, she was held into a tight embrace of Kevin and she heard his relieved whisper “Thank you Mom..I love you Mom’ 'I love you too son', she responded.. her son was no less a topper she thought.. It convinced her that indeed everything was going to be just fine.

Before I forget

Let me jot down what I want to write. Oh..Oh…before I forget let me first get that cold cuppa tea from the micro left for warming up, just for 30 secs..

Getting ready to go to office.. I watch my worried expression reflected in the dressing table mirror.. I want something.. what’s it.. think…think. What’s it? Uttering an expletive (in my case it helps, I am not sure about others) suddenly I remember that I am looking for a particular shade of lipstick! I am getting late, any time a miscall on my mobile is due from the lady who provides transport, a sharp reminder that I have to go to work. Oh, where is my lipstick? Gotcha! It’s in my bag…. Now which one….ooooh? There goes my failing memory..again and again.

These days I holler for my son if he is around to pick up the wanted stuff from the fridge, which is in the bedroom for lack of space in the kitchen. If I am lucky enough it appears in a zippy, for Soccer on the television won’t let him hear his mom’s shout. Otherwise my parched throat urges me towards the fridge to get what I want myself, only to stand in front of it scratching my head as to why I am there for!

Since the blogging began, I have burnt two of my only steel vessels, which reminds me I need to visit Geant Supermarket .. there is a big sale!

An elephant never forgets they say. Oh, how I wish I had an elephant’s memory.. with a five feet tall and 148 lbs heavy frame! Wishful thinking..

On a serious note, my heart goes out to people who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, amnesia and other memory related diseases. Let a prayer always be on our lips for such sufferers.

As we age, we have many things to remember, so we tend to forget. My hubby is not immune to this.. only one thing he remembers is to reach his own house at the end of the day everyday! Rest all is a mystery.. But I have learnt that if you don't have a good memory, you have to have good habits such as always putting the house keys in the same place or always doing things in the same order. Memory improves with practice, that's been working for me. We keep learning, it's good practice, but with two perpetual haphazard guys at home, partial amnesia affects me once in a while.

Final Journey

He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

My brother died of an accident on March 18 at the age of 35, the day of Holi, an Indian festival of colours. He was returning home on his newly bought scooter at midnight from his workplace. A tempo hit in the rear, impact of which threw him off the scooter. He breathed his last on the spot from internal injuries. As a family we could not be there at his last moments to meet his needs as he was a loner in Mumbai. I have the greatest regret that we did not have that one last wonderful talk. I wasn't prepared, for that matter any of us. It has always left me with a feeling that I could have done something better for him.

Between my bro and me we had an age gap of just a year and we grew up together with my maternal grandmother until our early teens as our parents were away in Bombay with other children. Without a father figure around to guide, he fell into bad company and could not complete his High School. Since the situation was getting out of hand, one of our uncles took him along to work in Bombay. My wonderful bro was hard working and within a few years he had carved a niche for himself by having his own business. He was a spendthrift but had a heart of gold. There were times when he would part with the last rupee in his pocket to the needy, if that was what he was asked to do. He loved and lived life.

Seven long years we could not meet each other for some reason or the other. My last meeting was with him during my marriage in Delhi, which he attended and then a brief visit on our way back to Delhi from Mangalore, at the Bombay Central Railway Station. We did keep in touch over the telephone often. Just before he died we did plan to visit him but could not do so due to residency problems of our child – Bahraini laws are peculiar. Instead I was informed he was no more, travelled to Bombay and joined my other two brothers in his final journey home, a place where he was born, to lay him to rest.

Six months later my father suffered a stroke and he too passed away on December 22nd, in his early seventies. He was heartbroken after my brother’s death and could not accept the fact that he was no more.

Years have gone by and memories of both of them still linger but our ability to forget the events with time has helped us get over the pain. No one is promised a tomorrow. I do have some fear about death but I think it is a natural fear of the unknown! I do not why and how, today I miss them very much.. and here is my

Tribute to my Bro & Dad

If tears could build a stairway

and thoughts a memory lane

I'd walk right up to heaven

and bring you home again

No Farewell words were spoken

No time to say good-bye

You were gone before I knew it

And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness

And secret tears still flow

What it meant to lose you

No one can ever know.

But now I know you want us

To mourn for you no more

To remember all the happy times

Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten

I pledge to you today

A hallowed place within my heart

Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,

Death gathers those we love so much,

And what now seems so strange and dim,

Will all be clear, when we meet Him.

ANONYMUS

Prayer

As stated by Catechism of the Catholic Church "Prayer is the raising of one’s mind and heart to God or the requesting of good things from God".

We are probably all familiar with the second part of this definition. Who among us, in some time of need or distress, has not called upon God for assistance? But, what does the first part of this definition really mean? What does it mean to raise one’s mind and heart to God? Most of us can come to a basic understanding of this by answering the question, “What does it mean to unite our mind and heart with a fellow human?” We do this by talking to the person and spending time with them, sharing our thoughts, emotions, experiences, values and goals, by putting our trust in someone and by demonstrating our own trustworthiness. The more we spend time with, communicate and work together toward common objectives, the closer relationship we develop with that person. In the closest relationships, we often are happy just to be in the presence of that person; when we deeply love someone we want to share all of their experiences, whether that be sharing in joyful occasions or comforting them in times of sorrow. This is also what it means to raise one’s mind and heart to God. God wants a close, intimate relationship with us, a relationship which involves Him in every aspect of our lives. He wants us to trust in Him, to share our good times and troubles, to request His assistance. But we will not have such a relationship if we fail to spend time with Him. We do this through prayer. We use our minds and hearts to bless, adore and praise God as our divine creator, and strive to understand God. We ask God to help us in our daily needs and in times of trouble. We should give thanksgiving for all of the blessings and graces He provides us.

How many of us would expect a good marriage to exist, if a couple rarely spoke to one another, and rarely spent time together? How would we expect the couple to really love one another if they only spoke when they needed something from the other person? A loving relationship requires that both partners set aside time for each other, that they communicate, know, trust and support one another in good times and bad. In summary, a good relationship is hard work. We know that these things are required to have a good marriage. Why then, do so many people expect to have a good relationship with God, with little or no effort toward that relationship? We must work toward a good relationship with God.

Right under your very own nose

“Tales of Nasreddin Hodja” a book from my son’s school library was my first introduction to Nasreddin Hodja. Mulla (a.k.a. Hodja or Hoca) Nasrudin is the starring character in a vast number of amusing tales told in regions all over the world, particularly in countries in or near the Middle East. Each tale depicts Nasrudin in a different situation, and through his viewpoint they humorously reveal commentary and lessons on various life themes. The great allure of the Mulla Nasrudin tales is that they are funny as well as lesson filled, philosophical, and thought provoking. I enjoyed them so much I got a copy made. Even now, when I feel that some humour could relieve my frayed nerves, I dig for it or a James Harriet or Catherin Cookson’s works of fiction. They act like soothing balm, believe me. I Don’t miss them..I like humour.

My passion for reading has made me hoard a good collection of books of different authors most of them from the Gulf Air Thrift Shop (earlier it used to be in Muharraq, now I have no idea), BSPCA Thrift shop in Budaiya and many supermarkets and book shops in Bahrain. Contributions from some of my friends while leaving this Island for good, have also added to my cache, a sure way to remember them time and again. Collection from various parts of Delhi bookshops, Janpath especially and most memorable ones from Higgins Botham book store in Mangalore in the 80s had to be given up and distributed when I left both these places for greener pastures. But over here my collection continues for the past nineteen years. I am a bit stingy in sharing them with any Tom, Dick and Harry, though I don’t mind doing so with ONLY some of my trusted friends because it hurts me when books left my book-shelves never got see their owner again, which has happened quite often.

Mention of my 'reading and collection' hobby is just in the passing. But two of the incidents that took place recently reminded me of wise Hodja's tales and the lessons to be learnt.

Quote:

What in the in the World Were You Smuggling?

Nasrudin the smuggler was leading a donkey that had bundles of straw on its back. An experienced border inspector spotted Nasrudin coming to his border. “Halt,” the inspector said. “What is your business here?”“I am an honest smuggler!” replied Nasrudin.“Oh, really?” said the inspector. “Well, let me search those straw bundles. If I find something in them, then you are required to pay a border fee!”“Do as you wish, “Nasrudin replied, “but you will not find anything in those bundles.” The inspector intensively searched and took apart the bundles, but could not find a single thing in them. He turned to Nasrudin and said, “You have managed to get one by me today. You may pass the border.” Nasrudin crossed the border with his donkey while the annoyed inspector looked on. And then the very next day, Nasrudin once again came to the border with a straw-carrying donkey. The inspector saw Nasrudin coming and thought, “I’ll get him for sure this time.” He checked the bundles of straw again, and then searched through Nasrudin’s clothing, and even went through the donkey’s harness. But once again he came up empty handed and had to let Nasrudin pass. This same pattern continued every day for several years, and every day Nasrudin wore more and more extravagant clothing and jewelry that indicated he was getting wealthier. Eventually, the inspector retired from his longtime job, but even in retirement he still wondered about the man with the straw-carrying donkey. “I should have checked that donkey’s mouth more extensively,” he thought to himself. “Or maybe he hid something in the donkey’s rectum.”

Then one day he spotted Nasrudin’s face in a crowd. “Hey,” the inspector said, “I know you! You are that man who came to my border everyday for all those years with a straw-carrying donkey. Please, sir, I must talk to you.”Nasrudin came towards him and the inspector continued talking. “My friend, I always wondered what you were smuggling past my border everyday. Just between you and me, you must tell me. I must know. What in the world were you smuggling for all those years? I must know!”

Nasrudin simply replied, “donkeys.”
Unquote

Incident 1: We were duped recently in a gold scheme where gold could be bought in exchange of cash paid monthly, even after having heard some unhealthy rumours and going ahead with it. Organisers had the wisdom of Smuggler Hodja who vamoosed into the thin air with loads of money collected from clients. We the border inspectors are still awaiting for some good news, high hopes really!

Incident 2: An Australian woman, who thought she was a card cloning victim, lost her money not once but twice. Someone somehow withdrew her money in India, where she hadn’t set foot for almost a decade she claims, from her account in Bahrain. She has now withdrawn all her money from the bank and cancelled her card. She is planning to take the bank to the courts as the bank is unwilling to reimburse her lost money.

There are a lot of serious incidents like these and to touch on them unless I have a thorough knowledge or expertise would be foolhardiness. We should learn lessons from such experiences, but do we? No. Once bitten twice shy.. are we? No! Careful and alert, we can avoid such situations. But still, we are like the dumb border inspector letting every time the wise Hodja go scot-free and smuggle his donkeys right under our noses!!

In my opinion..

The Driving License that I possess since April 15, 1994 to be precise, more than fifteen years now, deserves a very prominent place on our drawing room wall enlarged in the largest possible size, laminated and framed of course! In fact, this is one of the many views of my hubby and I won’t dispute them either. The License is no less a Trophy for me at least, if you ask my opinion!!

When I arrived in Bahrain in 1990, the traffic, especially the roads weren’t in such a chaos or mess, the way they are today. Beautiful roundabouts with palm trees on the pavements, while different models of brand new cars whizzing past by me that too driven by women, were enough to stimulate my senses to pester my hubby to enroll me for the driving classes, which was not so difficult then. He was and is still such a sweet guy. First of all he did not want to say ‘no’ to his sweetheart of one and half year, who was away from him immediately after the marriage and who had just arrived in Bahrain. Perhaps, he also wanted to show off (!?) to his friends and dear and near ones, her driving skills? After enrolling myself for the theory classes at the Traffic Directorate, Isa Town and subsequent practical classes by no less than two of the driving instructors (first one was a real pain, I had to hunt for a second one after 18 classes), it was time at last for my driving test. ‘D’ Day.. changing gears in lanes, going up a hill, taking a right or left turn, most important of all reversing the car without the help of the instructor was not all that easy as I had thought. It was difficult to get past the experienced and smart Inspectors who took tests, and well, I flunked my first test, second and third one in succession. Ultimately, after 36 driving classes and the fourth test I got through. The thrill that I experienced in holding my driving license in my hands was far better than driving the car itself.

For the first two years, I did drive, initially almost daily from my office to home, which is only a five minutes drive! I know my driving used to send shivers down my beloved’s spine, but oh, what a thrill that was!! In my opinion, a woman driver like me could handle only a brand new car that too an automatic one but we had only a manual. All my requests for an automatic one fell on the deaf ears and it was not an easy task to convince my hubby. He wanted me to accelerate and brake only on a manual one.

A mention on my driving skills should be a must. The first memorable experience that I can recollect is while visiting my maternal uncle in Muharraq, upon reaching his house, swerving to the left gently (!!), I had somehow managed to crash the huge iron gate! Nothing happened to the gate however, we had to shell out around hundred Dinars to get the front portion of our car repaired in one of our friend’s garages, that too stealthily! No insurance, for we could not complain!

One more incident, a serious one, for no fault of mine though, literally put me off driving. My hubby had replaced new tyres for our car and had forgotten to check the air in the tyres, which was more than what it should have been. At a speed of 40, when my foot hit the accelerator gently, I felt there was something wrong. Again we were visiting my dear Uncle and my son was sitting behind, if I remember right he was around 2 years old. Before the Old Muharraq bridge, since it was a highway, I had increased my speed to 80 and bang.. next thing I knew was that I had hit the central barrier and the front tyre had burst! Thanks be to God, we were indeed very fortunate, none of us were hurt and there was hardly any vehicle plying. A little further, we could have been hurled straight into the sea! I could hear my son wailing at the back seat. The Traffic Patrol Police was on the site within minutes, who was kind and understanding, arranged to tow away our car. We had to summon my Uncle to drive us home!

If I have stopped driving these days, in my opinion it is not without reason. What I read in the dailies about the rules and regulations being flouted while driving, road rage, rash driving, so many young boys and girls losing their lives in accidents, pictures of mangled bodies and vehicles and most important of all the road works (a normal five minutes drive stretches upto half an hour with the traffic jams) that are being carried out are equally to blame and I cannot muster enough courage to drive on the Bahrain roads now!

But, I don’t want to quit yet, when all the road works are complete, I hope to buy a brand new automatic gear car and zoom on the Bahrain roads without any fear with my prized possession…my driving license!

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Old memories, one leads to another and can restart old conflicts. When I started the blog just the other day, I did not realize it would even amount to spending a sleepless night. One of my favourite hobbies is reading. I was and am still fascinated by authors’ panache with which they write, weaving their innumerable intricate plots, like a spider. Time and again I would dream myself to be the next Best Selling Author of the Century on earth! Even to the extremes of winning a Bookers Prize!!! Ha ha..I tried to dab my hand at it but never got to publish anything! So, publishing my first article on the blog myself, besides dreaming to be a BSA, brought back all other old memories, locked and tucked safely for a looooooooooong time, in the quiet recess of my mind. Like torrents of rain... they rushed and gushed!

Revisiting any old conflict is like waking a sleeping dog; it is not meant for a sentimental fool like me. It is easier said than done, but I am not the kind of person to give up anything easily either. Though, praying and counting sheep could not stop my tossing and turning throughout the night, when dawn came, my mind was calm and I knew that I was not going to quit, the way I quit my GM Diet!

Let the sleeping dogs lie and let me be the child of the present… I hope to sleep like one tonight!

Butterflies.....

Fifth of May, My birthday
Or my Baptism Day
I don’t know whether
I had butterflies in the stomach!

When I was five and plus
My first day in 1st Std. class
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Primary/High School & College
Waiting for the Board results
Every time…
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Attending interviews..
For my first, second, third
And fourth job.. each time…
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Fourteenth of May,
Our Engagement Day
Twenty fifth of October
Our Wedding Day & exchanging rings..
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Fifth of June..landing up on the Moon
I mean, joining my hubby in Bahrain
Again…
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Seventh of Jan in Bahrain
When our son was born
Amidst the excruciating pain
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Watching our son
Baptized at the Sacred Heart Church, Bahrain
Receiving his First Holy Communion
And Confirmation
I had butterflies in the stomach!

His first day at School
When he was a tiny tot
Giving me such a cool look
Though leaving me in tears
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Unaccompanied on his first flight to Delhi
Watching him sprint towards the plane
Without even a backward glance
I had butterflies in the stomach!

Receiving His First Trophy and Certificates
For Speech Contests & for Sports
Excelling in other subjects too in School,
Always tears welling up in my eyes,
I had butterflies in the stomach!

On Twenty Eighth of May,
His forthcoming Graduation Day
I am beginning to feel…
Huge butterflies in the Stomach!

There are still more events
In the future
And I am sure
I will still have butterflies in the Stomach!

Future Plans!

Some people know from an early age exactly what they want to be and how they plan to get there. For some people it is hard to figure out what they want to do after high school. For me it was not so hard - I already knew and decided in my early teens that I wanted to follow the footsteps of “The Lady with the Lamp” Florence Nightingale! Yes, I wanted to take up the noble profession of a Nurse, I knew for a fact that that was what I wanted to do. What I had read about from the available School library books, Florence Nightingale with her compassion, love and care, was my inspiration.

Besides Nightingale, my maternal grandmother also played a role, who never gave up an opportunity to visit known or unknown patients in the two Government run hospitals in Mangalore, a town in Karnataka, South India, while she was out shopping for the daily groceries and fish from Kankanady or Hampankatta markets. I grew up with my grandmother until I was thirteen, since my parents were away in Bombay (Mumbai presently) at the time, since my late father was employed by Voltas in Thane, then. My grandma, whenever I had a holiday from school or on Sundays took me along with her on this special ritual of hers and I really loved and looked forward to it. Nurses in spotless white uniforms, doctors in white coats, stethoscope hung over their shoulders and patients too, all left such a profound impression on my young mind.. and I wanted to become either a doctor or a Nurse. When I reached sixteen, my final decision was to be a Nurse.

I became none.. as I had desired to be. A family crisis shattered my cherished dream. Instead, I am sure my father meant well, who somehow persuaded me to take up secretarial training! Being eldest in the family I had five other siblings to be taken care of by the time I was seventeen. At that young age, it was certainly the hardest thing for me to learn which bridge to cross and which to burn.

I am not very sure whether I have any regrets, to be honest, perhaps I do.. years have passed by.. and still I haven’t forgotten my dream, may be because, now my sixteen year old son, is all set to leave behind his high school and planning his future. He wants to be an Aeronautic Engineer. Though I can not go back and make a brand new start in my life, I can definitely help my son to realize his dream! I am a strong believer of destiny and I believe that if he is destined to be what he aspires to be he will certainly achieve his goal, by the grace and blessings of the Almighty!

ME, GM DIET & EXERCISE

Having born in May, somehow I seem to have acquired typical Taurus traits!! Besides several others, to name a few: Stubborn…to the letter, sometimes only with certain types(??!!) hard hearted, systematic (left brain!!), romantic, artistic, nomadic, loyal, loving....hope I am not blowing my own trumpet!! Most important…Food loving… so diet is a taboo word in my dictionary! Foodie though I am, I believe in a healthy and balanced diet, but it is my weakness too. My taste buds do not allow me to consume any food in excess but I do have a sweet tooth and I really cannot resist chocolates and ice-creams! Delicious chocolate melting in my mouth is as good as listening to two of my favorite soul-filling numbers from Randy Campbell’s collection “I understand… and the Music Played’! Well only sweet toothies (??) like me will be able to understand it better! Dieting is a daunting task in my department where I work at. With almost thirty loving and caring colleagues, it is quite difficult to refuse the mouth-watering cakes and chocolates (every other day we celebrate either a birthday, birth of a new baby, buying a new car, marriage etc. etc.), Thursday breakfasts, daily something to munch on…too much to go on.. you understand my plight now. One of my colleagues tried to console me saying ‘it’s my physical structure to blame for my current size and not food’!! Depending on my brain (right side) cells’ promptings…I do go for long walks and…sometimes do some exercises at home. My hubby bought me a Tread Mill on my birthday three years back.. Few days I did walk on the TM. then I developed a chest pain because of opening and folding the TM in our two-bedroom flat! Now its lying forlorn in our gallery for lack of space inside the house, sweating it out…Tread Mill I mean…not me!!! Ask for an excuse; I have a couple of them ready by the time I reach home in the evening after the day’s work. For the past few months, I have had this seasonal excuse of my son’s monthly/mock and final exams. No..no! don’t get me wrong.. I am not helping him in his studies. I am only trying Hitlerism once in a while! He can be on the telephone and computer for endless hours if I am not watching it out and not around… I really wonder what do they talk and chat for hours together? If I let him be, then more than the Batelco charges, I am simply panicky about my hubby’s reaction and the ensuing uproar with a lengthy lecture on how to cut down on expenses with a threat either having the outgoing calls barred or line being permanently disconnected! Oh yes, the words ‘recession and inflation’ do infiltrate all the time in our conversations these days! Alas, when he spends on something that is unwanted, well, it is a different matter altogether! Head of the Family – no questions.. no arguments.

Ok. Ok. Now let me come to the point, I feel that I have put on weight certainly at the wrong places and my wardrobe (a reason for bickering and triggering an argument between me and my hubby) though looks full, to me it still looks empty! Curvaceous figures of pretty women and of course some of my friends who walk around like models, at last, made me wake and make up my mind to start with one of those ‘so-long thought of easiest’ diets!!

Well, recently one of my closest friends emailed me a GM Diet Plan which I understand has worked wonders with women of my age…it is best meant for 40 plus. Being somewhere above that range, I always complain of knee pain, chest pain, to mention a few pains! My friend also advised me to give up the diet as soon as I feel weak and if I am on any medication…and tell you what.. I really wanted to give it up that particular instance! It is basically a fruity/veggie diet and sounded so easy, so I disregarded his advice, trusting my gut feeling and decided to go ahead. First day I was supposed to kill my hunger with all the fruits except bananas, which are my favorites (melons in particular.. it says if you stick to melons it is likely that first day one could lose 3 lbs..! Imagine in 7 days me losing 21 lbs..) and 10 tall glasses of water. Water, I have had no problem. With a lot of grumbling and fumbling, my hubby got me half a melon (recession…of course!). I had melon for breakfast, melon for lunch (my colleagues had payasam - a South Indian sweet dish for desert!!) and melon for dinner, gobbled up an apple too. As my melon dinner was over by 7 p.m. I was sitting and watching my favourite TV serial to divert my mind from the kitchen and the refrigerator!! Next thing I knew, my hubby lovingly feeding me a piece of steak!! I reminded him I was dieting, he responded saying since melon is all that I had for the whole day, I better ate something solid, as otherwise I may feel very weak and fall sick. It’s all that I needed, diet fleeing.. I had my proper dinner…Ice-cream included!

Cheers to all my well-wishers especially my doting family, my lovely colleagues and encouraging friends.. with a little jealousy on their part (I am always suspicious of their motives!), coupled with my weakness for chocolates especially, my resolve has ‘Gone with the Wind’!!!

My first ever diet in my whole life on the very first day ending thus, I don’t think I will never ever try dieting again unless of course I take a two-week break from work and sail to no man’s island. Well, on the way, if the boat sinks with my girth that is something to worry about surely!!